Pathan Jokes

1 Pathan Cinema mai Film dekh raha tha.
.
Film mai 1 Shair dowarty howe araha tha.
.
Pathan ne dekha tu dar gia, owr apni chadir kandhy pa dal kar bhaagny laga
Logo ne kaha: Khan Sahib mat daro, yai tu film hai
.
Pathan: Wo tu mujh ko bhi pata hai ke yai film hai, lekin wo tu janwar hai, usko kia pata

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Pathan: Aaj mai bus ke peche bhagty howe ghar tak aya hon, owr karaye ke 20 rupey bhi bacha leye.
.
2nd Pathan: Tum boht bewakof ho, Rekshe ke peche bhagty tu 80 rupey bach jaty

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Teacher: Es mohawary ko estimal karo “mun mai pani aana”
.
Pathan Student: Jaisy hi mai ne Nal ko mun laga ke Nal chalu kia, tu mairy mun mai pani agia

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Ques: Agar dunia mai bejli nahi hoti tu TV kesay daikhty?
.
Pathan: Mom-batti jala ke !

Pathan: Raat ko 1 admi ne Chaku dekha kar loot lia
.
Dost: Lekin tumhare pas tu hamaisha PISTOL hoti hai na
.
Pathan: Wo mai ne chupa di warna wo bhi le jata

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Pathan 2 Shopkeeper: 1 Kala bulb daina !
Shopkeeper: Kaalay buld ka kia karna hai?
.
Pathan: Dopehr mai sonay ke lie andhair karna hai

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Qatil: Try karo ke umar qaid ho jaye magar saza-e-mot na hojay
.
Pathan Lawyer: Tum fikar mat karo
.
After Case
Qatil: Kya howa?
Pathan: Boht mushkil se umar qaid howi, warna adalat tu reha kar rahi thi

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Pathan 2 shopkeeper: Bhai sahb 1 rupia ka Easy Load kardo
.
Shopkeeper: 1 rupey ke load se kesi ko call karni hai ya msg?
.
Pathan: Karna tu kuch bhi nahi,
Bus aisy hi paisy urany ki adat hai

Teacher to Pathan: Tum ne home-work kion nahi kia?
.
.
Pathan: Sir hum hostel mai rehta hai

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Sardar: Aao Race Lagatay hain, Jo haara woh ek hazaar rupay dega.

Pathan: Lekin Mujhe Rasta nahi Maloom.

Sardar: Bus Tum meray peechay peechay aatay rehna.

Pathan: Thanks Yara..

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Sardar to Pathan: Batti te Batti kintay honday?

Pathan: Very simple Do Battian.

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Pathan raat ko Machardani laga kar
so raha tha:

Achanak ek Jugnoo aa nikla.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Pathan: Lo ye khocha machar humko
Torch le kar dondh raha hai.

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Ek Phatan bank lootne gaya wahan gun dikha kar sara Paisa loot liya.

Per us k hath kuch nahi aaya.

Kyon?

Q k sare paise usne manager ko diye aur kaha: “Sare paise mere account mein jama kar do.”

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Pathan to Friend: Yara aaj hum ne ek aesa zabardst sweet Dish banaya tum khush hojaye gi.

Friend: O khan sahab kya banaya hai?
.
.
.
.
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Pathan: Naswar Gosht.

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Aik dafa 1 Pathan cycle par gungunathe jaa raha tha ,Raasthay may us nay 1 Punjabi aurath ko cycle se maar diya.
Aurath : Andhay ho kia break nahin maar sakthay?
Pathan : Poora cycle maar diya ab break maarnay se kiya fayedaa.

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Maa: Aaj School Se Itni Jaldi Kaise Aagaye?

Pathan: Machar Mara to Teacher Ne Chutti Dedi.

Maa: Aisa Kyon?

Pathan: Machar Teacher k Gaal Per Baitha Tha

Sardar Jokes

Sardar enters kitchen, opens sugar box, looks inside and closes it. This he does again and again. Why?

Because the doctor told him to check sugar regularly

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Three Sardars were going on a scooter. Traffic police showed them his hand. One of the Sardars told: We are already three, sorry, there is no space

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Two Sardars were in a forest, when a lion came roaring towards them. One of them throws sand into its eyes, and runs. Second one stays unmoved. When asked why he is not running, the other Sardar tells: “Why should I be running? It is you who has thrown the sand “

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Bank manager asks Sardar in an interview: “What is cyclone”

Sardar: “It is the loan given to purchase a cycle”

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Once Sardar brought some tablets and started cutting the edges. Do you know why? He wanted to avoid side effects!

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Sardar looked himself in a mirror and said: “Isko kahin dekha hai… Haan! Yaad aaya, yeh to wahi kameena hai jo mere shaadi ke album mein mere biwi ke saath hai”

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A famous Sardar’s declaration to the media: “I will never marry in my life. And I will advise the same to my children too”

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Interviewer: What is a skeleton?

Sardar: Sir, skeleton is a person who started dieting, but forgot to stop it!!

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Sardar to his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It’s already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.

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Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.

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A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.. All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote “DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!”

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Postman: – I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet
Sardar: – why did U come so far. Instead U could Have posted it….

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A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.
Judge asked: How’ll U divide your kids, U”VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We’ll apply NEXT YEAR

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Sardar’s wish: when I die, I wana die like my Grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not Screaming like all d passengers in d car he was Driving..

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A Teacher lecturing on population:
“In Indi a after every 10 secs a women gives birth to a kid. “
A Sardar stands up- “We must find & stop her!. “

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A man: “Sardarji, tell me, why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in the evening not in the morning?”
Sardarji: ”Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM”.

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Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
The Chinese friend just says “CHIN YU YAN” and dies.
Sardarji goes to China to find the meaning of his friend’s last Words.
And finds It means “U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE!”

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Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing.
He said-I am seeing how I look while sleeping.

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Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?
Guess what…
To avoid side effects!!!

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Man: Sardarji where were U born?
Sardarji: Punjab .
Man: Which part?
Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body Is born in Punjab Yaar”.

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Lawyer to Sardar: “Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke……. “
Sardar :”Yeh kya, sita pe haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir gita pe haath!!”

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A Sardar saw a beautiful girl… He went and kissed her….
Girl said- “What R U doing…?”
Sardar replied- ” B.COM from Khalsa college, Chandigar”

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Sardar: For the past one week a girl is disturbing Me.
I don’t know how she got my no, she interrupts whenever I call someone and says “please recharge your card”

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A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a Sardarni painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin, “For Best Results put on Two Coats”

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A sardar was drawing money from ATM,
The sardar behind him in the line said, “Ha! Ha! Haaa! I’ve seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****). “
The first sardar replies, “Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, Its 1258″

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Q:) How do U recognize a sardar in school or College???
A:) They are the ones who erase their notebooks when the teacher erases the blackboard.. . BOLO tarara!!

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Q:) Why did the sardarji sleep with a scale?
A:) Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept……. .

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Santa Singh MBBS
After finishing his MBBS, Dr. Santa Singh starts his Own practice..
He checked his first patient’s Eyes, then the tongue, and finally the Ears using a torch.
Finally he said Battery is Ok !!!

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Sardar’s Daugher: Abba Kal Hamary ghar se 1 band kam ho jayega
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Dosre din larki ghar se bhag gayi
.
Sardar: Larki ne kaam tu acha nahi ki…….. Par thi wo Najoomi

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A Sardar dragged out 6 people live from a burning house
Still he was sent to Jail
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Why?
Because all of these 6 were Fire Brigade Staff

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1 Truck dosry Truck ko rassi se baandh kar le jar aha tha
.
Yai daikh kar sardar hans kar lot pot hogia owr kahny laga:
1 rassi ko le jany ke lie 2, 2 truck

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A girl and Sardar were in love
Larki: Sardar jee ap mairi bilkul parwa nahi hai!
.
Sardar: Oye Pagli ! pyar karnay walay kesi ki parwah nahi karay

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Sardar: Apki gari (car) ka naam kia hai
Lady: I don’t remember it name now but its starts with “T”
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Sardar: O that’s good.. hamari gari tu Petrol se start hoti hai

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5 Sardar owr 1 Pathan Helicopter ki rassi se Latky howe thay
.
Pilot ne kaha ke Load zayada hai eslie 1 Fard ko koodna hoga
.
Pathan yai sun kar bola: yai qurbani mai de daita hon
.
Ye sun kar sary sardar taliyan bajany lagy

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1 sardar ghar se nekla tu daikha ke samnay kailay ka chelka para howa tha
Sardar: O mere khudaya.. Aaj phir phisalna parega

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Admi: Apko garmi lagti hai tu kia kartay ho??
Sardar: AC ke qareeb baith jata hon
Admi: Phir bhi garmi lagy tu kia karty ho?
Sardar: Phir AC ko ON kar laita hon

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Sardar: Itnay saray log football ko laat kion mar rahay hain?
.
Admi: Goal karny ke lie
.
Sardar: Gol hi tu hai, owr kitna gol karengay?

Pathan: Esa kia karain ke saanp bhi mar jaye owr lati bhi na tootay
.
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Sardar: Jootay se mar do

Memon Jokes

Teacher:
Is Ko Khalis Memoni Me Translate Karo
“You Are Drinking Tea Alone”

Memon Bacha:
Lakh Lannat Toji Shakal Tey
Moua Bagherat Eklo Eklo Chaa Piye Tou.

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1 Makhi Ki Halat Bht Khrab Thi,
Wo Doctor K Pas Gai

Doctor:
Kya Hua?

Makhi:
Bas 1 Memon Ki Chai Me Gir Gai Thi
Ullu K Patthy Ne Chos Chos K Bura Haal Kr Dia.

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Ek Memon Doctor K Pass Gaya Or Bola
K Ghar Ja Kar Mareez Check Karnay K Kitnay Paisay Lo Gay?
Doctor:
Rs.300
Memon:
Chalain Doctor!
Doctor Ghar Pohanchay To Doctor Ne Pocha
K Mareez Kahan Hai?
Memon:
Mareez Koi Nahi Hai,
Sala Taxi Wala
500 Maang Raha Tha!
Or Aap 300 Main Lay Aaye…! :)

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Memon: Yeh kela(banana) kaisay diya?
Shopkeeper: 1Rs.
Memon: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?
S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.
Memon: Ley 40 paisay, chhilka rakh aur kela day de
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A Memon on his death time.
My wife, where r u ?
Wife: Yes, I’m here
My sons & daughters are you all here?
Yes, Papa
Memon:To phir brabar wale kamre ka pankha kyoon khula hay ??? :D:D:D

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1 memon 14th floor se neche gira
Girte waqt usne apni ghar ki khirki main apni wife ko roti pakate hue
dekha to chilla k bola
MERI ROTI NAHI PAKANA!
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1 memon ne Arbi ko khoon dey k uski jaan bachai.
Arbi ne usay MERCEDES gift kardi.
Arbi ko phir khoon ki zarorut pari,
Memon ne phir khoon dia.
Ab k bar Arbi ne till waly laddu gift kiye,
Memon:Ghusse se, mercedez kyon nahi di?
Arbi:Munna…!! Ab hamarey ander bhi memono ka khoon dor raha hay:)

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A Memon called a newspaper office and asked: Mera Baap Mar gaya hai, kya
charges hongay?
NewsPaper: Rs.50 per word.
Memon: Oh bohat ziyada hain, Acha likho “Ghafoor Bhai Died”.
Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words!
Memon: Oh ho! Jara sochnay do….. Acha likho……. ……… .
Ghafoor Bhai Died – Suzuki for Sale .
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Memon ask to Taxi Driver: Abdullah Shah Ghazi k mazaar jao gay?
Taxi Driver: Han jaon ga.
Memon ne jaib se shopper nikala or kaha: Wapsi main langar ki biryani
lete aana.

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Shadi me 1 memon bahut der tak khata raha,
Kse ne pocha bhai kab tak khaty rahogy?
Memon: Yaar me khud kha kha k thak gya hun pr kya kron card me lkha tha
“Dinner 7 to 10pm
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Memon to dukandar: Yaar zara toothbrush dena mere brush ka 1 baal toot
gaya hai
Dukandar: 1 baal toota to naya kyoon le rahe ho
Memon: jo toota hai woh akhri tha.

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Titanic ke sath Memon bhi doob raha tha aur hans bhi raha tha
Dost: Oye hans kyun raha hai?
Memon: Shukar hai main ne Return Ticket nahi khareeda!

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Memon: Pent Ki Silayi?

Tailor: Rs. 150

Memon: Nikar Ki?

Tailor: Rs. 50

Memon: Ok Nikar Hi See De
Par Lambai Pairon Tk Rkhna…

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Memon larka apni girlfriend k sath
date maar ker wapis aaya to
baap nay pocha, kitnay rupai kharch karey?
Beta: Rs.50
Baap:itne saray kioon?
Beta: Bes uske paas itne hi thai…

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Aik memon ko jin chimat gaya 2 din baad jin khud ek Aalim ke paas gaya aur bola: Janab, Mujhe bahir nikalo mein to bhooka he mar jaonga!

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Memon to his son:
Meri dili khwahish hai k tum bary ho k ‘wakeel’ bano..

Son: woh kyun..??

Memon:
Ta k, mera ‘kaale coat’ tumhary kaam aa jaye… ;-)

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1 memon road se guzar raha tha,
achanak usne jhuk kar road se kuch uthaya
aur zoor se chillaya,
kameenaay log
poti b aesi karty hain jaisay koi samoosa para ho..

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1 memon subha so kar utha to
dekha ke uski biwi mar gaye hay.

Wo foran kitchen me gaya or
apni beti ko galay laga kar rony laga or bola,

“1 banday ka nashta kam banana”

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Memon At Petrol Pump

Bhai 1rs Ka Petrol Dal Do

Salesman: Bhai Itna Sara Petrol Dalva
K Kahan Jana Hai?

Memon: Jana Kahan Hai Hm
To Aise Hi Paise Urate Hen…

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‘Ek Memon k Ghar Ko Aag Lag Gai Wo Apne Ghar Ko Bacha Na Saka~

Sochen Q?

Q k Wo Saari Raat Fire Brigade Walon Ko Miss Call Marta Raha’

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Memon k bete ka accident hova.
Dr:ap k bete ki dono tangen ktni parey gi
memon:sir pakr k beth gaya
Dr:kia hua
memon:afsos horha hy kal hi nai chapal dilai thi

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Memon K Ghar Twins Peda Huye

Kisi Dost Ne Kha: Mubarak Ho 2 Bache Huey Hyn

Memon: Aray Yar Bas 1 Kafi Tha Mgr Tumhari Bhabi Ko B Fazul Kharchi Ki Aadat Hy ;->

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1 Pehalwan Ne Ek Mehfil Me
Sirf 1 Limu Se Pura 1 Glas Bhar K
Juice Nikal Kr Sb Ko Heran Krdia & Challang Kia
K Asa Koi Or Kr K Dikhae.
Sb Ne Haar Mn Li
Phr Ek Kamzor Se Admi Ne Nichory Hue Limu Se
1 Glass Juice Nikal Kr Pehalwan Ko B Herat Me Dal Dia

Pehlwn:
Ap B Kia Pehalwan Ho?

Admi:
Mai Memon Hun

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Memon ne Mithai ki Dokaan kholi.
Aur bahar ek ishtihaar laga dya.

“EK MULAAZIM KI ZAROORAT HAY…
JISKO
…SUGAR HO”

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“Mehman Nawazi”

Shaikh:
Lassi Ap Pyoge Nai
Chaae Hum Ne Pilani Nai
Roti Ka Time Nai
Bottle Ka Mosam Nai
Ab Btao Kya karen?

MEMON:
To Phir Balance He Dalwa Do!

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1 kawa Memon Se Roti Chhen k Urr Gaya.

Memon B kaway k Pechay Bhaga

Jb Bhaagte Bhaagte Thak Gya To Memon Bola:
“Ae Allah Is Roti ka Sawab Abba Mrhoom ko Dena.

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Boy: Ap apni beti ki shadi mujhse ker dain main apko us k wazan k barabar sona dunga

Memon: Mujhe waqt do
Boy:Sochney k lye?

Memon: nahi beti ka wazan barhaney k lye..

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MEMON:
Jao..!
2 dukano se 3-3 kabab le k aao…

Servant:
Janab..!
6 ikhattey kyun nahi..?

Memon:
Nalaik Aadmi..!
Chatni 0r Piyaz ziyada miley gi… ;->

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Ek memon ki shadi men bryani ki jageh pani
zyada dia jaraha tha , ek aadmi ne kaha
bhai sahab thori si bryani milegi ?
pani gale men atak gaya hai………

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Tumne Is Saal Mehnat Se Kaam Kia Hai
Is Liye 5000 Ka Bonus
Cheque De Raha Hon.
Agar Isi Tarha Kaam Karoge To
Agle Saal Is Pe Sign Ker Donga

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Memon K Ghar Se Choontiyan Ja Rahen Thin…
Memon:
Kahan Ja Rahi Ho ?
Choonti:
Bhai Bhooka Marnay Se To Behtar Hai
Hijrat Kar Jaeyn…

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An Old Memon Lady Died In USA ,
Where She Was Staying With Her Daughter.

Daughter Made Arrangements
For The Body To Be Sent Back To Pakistan.

On Top Of The Coffin Was A Letter Which Said;

Dear Bhai,

I Am Sending AMMA’s Body To Pakistan,
As It Was Her Wish To Be Buried In Pakistan .

Under AMMA’s Body Are 12 Cans Of Cheese
For Your Little Boy Ali,
10 Packs Of Chocolates
For Your Cute Little Meena
&
8 Packs Of Perfumes For Your Wife.

AMMA Is Wearing A Brand New Pair Of REEBOK Shoes
For Kaasim Bhai And There Two Pairs Shoes Stuffed
On Left-Side Of The Coffin For Jubaida & Jarina.

AMMA Is Wearing 6 Brand New NIKE T-Shirts,
Large One Is For Sattar Bhai
Other Four Are For His Boys.

She Is Also Wearing Two LEVI’S Jeans
For The Boys.

She Is Also Wearing Swiss Made ROLEX Watch
On Her Left Hand For Johra Baji
And Gold Necklace And Earings For Kulsoom Aunty.

If You Need Anything Else
Do Let Me Know,
Because ABBA Is Also Not Feeling Well.

Regards
From Juleikha, Abdul Gafphar & Chokra (Kids)

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Memon Ko Current Laga…

Begum Ne Memon Se Poocha:
Kuch Howa To Nahi..?

Memon Bola:
Mujhe Chorr
Bahir Jaa Kar Deakh
“UNIT” Kitne Gire Hai.

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Aik Memon Ne Apna Nayaa GHAR Construct Kia
Construction Ke Baad
Ooper Walay Portion Per PAINT Karaaya……….
AUR Neechay Waaley Portion Per Likh Dia………….
“SAME AS ABOVE”

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Sardar:
Soch Raha Hoon K USA Ghoom Aaon
Kitna Paisa Lage Ga?
Memon:
Kuch Bhi Nahi..
Sardar:
Wo Kaise?
Memon:
Sochne K Liye Paise Nahi Lagte

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Frnd 2 Memon:
Jb Grmi Prti H To Ap Kya Krte Ho
Memon:
Hm Sb A.C K Samne Bet Jate Hain
Frnd:
Jab Us Se Bhi Ziyda Garmi Parti Hai To
Memon:
Phr Hm A.C On Krlte Hai.

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Memon Apnay Betay Ki Kamyabi Per
Khush Ho Kar Bola,
Mang Beta Jo Mangna Hay,
Beta:
Aba Sochnay Kay Leyae 1 Min Dain.
Thori Dair Baad Beta Bola:
Aba Mujhay Car Chaheay,
Memon:
Beta Tum Nay 1 Min Manga Tha
Woh Maen Nay Deydiyah
Ab Aish Karo….:->

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Memon Aur Pathan Ne Smandar K Kinary
Par Board Daikha Jis Par Likha Tha.?

“Dobty Ko Bachany Walay Ko 500 Innam”

Pathan:
Main Challang Lagata Hun Aur
Tum Mujhe Bachana Is Tarha 500 Milain Gay:-)

Ye Keh Kar Us Ne Challang Laga Di
Memon Khamoshi Se
Daikhta Reh Gaya To Pathan Ne Chila Kar Kaha .?

“Mujhe Tairna Nahi Aata
Tum Mujhe Bachate Ky N Nahi??:-(

Memon:
Tum Ne Neche Nahi Parha.?
Neche Likha Tha?

Lash Nekalne Walay
Ko 1000 Ka Innam… =P <-;

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